The Loneliness of the Long Distance Shuffler

"It'll be monster fun" they all said

A charity walk of us beasties and undead

Think of the unfortunates that we can help

Rather than the usual scaring them off with a whelp

A journey of three peaks

Begins with a single shuffle this week

Snowdon meet our marginal gains

Based on a strict diet of protein and braaaaiiiinnss

Our group is divided from the start

Vampires turn to bats and off they dart

Werewolves make straight for the nearest woods

Cocks a leg on a tree and create puddles of mud

Scarecrows decide at the off the walk is a no go

Staying at the start and letting their roots grow

Quasimodo assure us he knows the route well

Until he gets distracted by the sound of a distant bell

Somehow we pass the hell of Scafell

Pop in another blood flavoured active gel

Keep following the way point Jack 'O Lanterns

Ignoring the cries of the screaming muscle burns

No pain no gain is what they say

But we've been shuffling along all of this day

And could still be at it 28 days later

Ghoulish Garmen only gives useless data

This slope is Ben Nevis that is our hope

Yet our stumbling ways refuse to speed to a lope

Feels like these torturous hills have eyes

And enjoy watching us feel the burn in our thighs

All this walking we must surely be on the home straight

Sticking to our path, tumbling over this unyielding farmer's gate

Managing to land exactly in the steaming cow pat patch

Could have saved the fall if we'd bothered with the gate latch

Time to pause and check our Guts Giving page

Barely been sponsored above the minimum wage

Press on lets get finished and to get bed

This trek shouldn't drag into the night of the living dead

We reach the end, but that hill looks familiar

You had the map the right way up? Are you sure?

Lets just cross this accursed finishing line

I'm sure the fact its marked start is all just fine