Plug it in

Act 2 Scene 1: Badminton Norse trials

Val got her considerable bulk comfy behind the picnic table they had liberated (i.e., stolen) from the tavern and set up in the horse park outside the pub. This was where they intended to audition potential new recruits.

She looked through the numbered score cards she’d had the Herald create, though Val wasn’t as strong on numeracy as she was on clobbering. She picked up a number ten card and dropped it on the floor “doubt I’ll need that ‘un!” she said playfully elbowing the Herald in the ribs and winding him “We ready d’ya think Herr?” as Val had taken to calling him.

“I wish you wouldn’t call me Herr” the Herald responded wearily “no man in any part of the world goes by the name Herr”.

Val totally ignored the Herald taking a swig of her super strong scrumpy “Next!” she bellowed causing mild hearing damage to the Herald next to her.

The first try out emerged from the tavern’s smoky doorway, Val having paid a wizard for a smoke spell to make their emergence more dramatic. In front of them coughing from the inhalation stood a lanky slight man, in slightly manky furs. His hair had been greased back in an attempt to hide an obvious bald spot. “Name?” Val asked politely.

“Cough Beastmaster cough” came the reply.

“Abilities?”

“Beastmaster”

Val cocked an eyebrow and smiled “’Ere, are you saying you can control beasts and animals?”

Beastmaster nodded enthusiastically and produced a jar from within his clothing “behold!”, he unscrewed the lid, and a wasp flew out at a gesture of his hand. The wasp produced a few loop de loops before resting on Beastmaster’s palm.

Val clapped delightedly “Imagine what he could do with a Cockatrice?” she asked the Herald.

“Ah no” Beastmaster cut in “it’s just this wasp I’ve mastered”.

“Wh…What?!” the Herald sputtered “We’re up against pure evil and all you can do is make a wasp fly around in circles? What impact can a wasp have?!” the Herald shook his head despairingly.

Beastmaster allowed himself a sly smile “You’ve clearly never been to a picnic, have you?!” and with another signal the wasp flew out of his palm straight at the Herald’s head forcing him off his seat whilst flailing his arms.

Val was doubled up with laughter but managed to reach down to the ten card on the floor and wave it enthusiastically. “You good sir are definitely in!”. Beastmaster drew himself up happy at this news and called his wasp back to its jar-based housing, he was going to the tavern for a celebratory drink. The Herald gingerly took his seat back next to Val. “Next!” called Val the volume nearly sending the Herald flailing off his seat again.

“Ahoy there!” answered a jovial voice from the tavern door. Val looked but could see no person, she did a double take looking at her drink to make sure she hadn’t drunk herself blind again.

“No, it’s not you, it’s me. “I’m the invisible man but you may call me Isaac”

Val relaxed a little happy she wasn’t going to have to get another restore drunken vision spell. “Oh, hello love, you’re starting to show” she responded cheerily seeing half of Isaac’s body.

“Huh?” Isaac answered confused looking himself up and down “oh no that’s normal, I can only make half of myself invisible, be that my top or bottom half or my left or right side” he clarified.

“Isaac the half invisible man? Genius!” the Herald muttered to himself “and what, pray tell, is the use of half invisibility?” he spoke louder.

Isaac stood and pondered “well imagine this, if the three of us are in a room and wish to hide from the enemy and said room only has a curtain big enough for 2 and a half people to hide behind, well with me on your team we’re all safely out of view!” he half smiled pleased at this idea.

Val nodded at the notion even though Val was as likely to hide from an enemy as she was ride a hamster into battle “you’re in pet!” she declared waving away the Heralds attempts at intervention. The half invisible man disappeared.

“I mean come on that’s just a pathetic power” the Herald reasoned.

“Oi!” came Isaac’s reply from behind a tree right next to the Herald. Val howled with laughter as the Herald flushed.

“Ooh I am enjoying this!” Val stated happily whilst taking a hefty swig of the Herald’s drink. “Next!” Val bellowed, the herald being ready for it this time by with two breadsticks he’d rammed in his ears.

There was a flash and smoke in front of the table then a pause before finally a man dropped down on some kind of rope. “Cool!” said Val instinctively. The powerfully built man wore a green cloak with what may have been a stag shaped clasp, though it might have easily been a mouse bagpipe hybrid creature shaped clasp given it was clearly made by someone who wasn’t especially into art. He wore a face mask with a pair of antlers precariously roped to his head. He had a belt that seemed to feature a number of stag themed implements. “Name?” Val enquired.

“I’m Stagman” he growled in a register that sounded like it was hurting his voice box.

“Oh, hullo Stagman” Val responded cheerily “That voice sounds sore, I think I’ve got a lozenge in one of my belt pouches somewhere…” Val began to pat down pockets on her belt “no sorry just pointy things actually. Anyway, if you don’t mind me asking, what do you do?”

“I’m Stagman” he rumbled back in a tone that seemed to suggest he felt he had covered everything before he took out a disc from his belt, probably meant to be stag shaped but it was hard to tell and through it at one of the village drunks, Val had persuaded to stand by a tree as a practice target, felling the yokel.

Val nodded her approval, “OK Stagman love, like the theme, you’ve got a good aim you’re in”. Stagman threw a smoke bomb to the floor and attempted to disappear. Val could see him struggling to heave himself back up his rope but chose not to shatter his illusion out of politeness.

“How many more of these…whatever these are?” the Herald groaned.

Val didn’t pick up on the implied criticism “as many as we need to make up our super squad. Now go get me a couple of drinks Herr, I’m parched. I can see the rest meself”. The Herald got up; it was probably a merciful release to head back into that grim tavern.

Val looked at the parchment in front of her “’ere lemme see, ah looks like one more eh? Next!” a dog howled in the distance startled by the loudness of Val’s shout.

A blur backflipped out of the doorway landed in a splits pose before bouncing back up to her feet and starting to clap out a rhythm “She’s looking to form a super squad, she’s got a totally amazing bod, she’s gonna stick evil with her sword, then form a peaceful accord. Gimme a V!”

“V!” Val responded almost involuntarily.

“Gimme an A!”

“A!”

“Gimme an L!”

“L!”

“What’s that spell?”

“Err…V plus an A and then an L...” Val began to counter on her fingers and toes “…Val?!”

“Goooo Val!” and with that she performed a forward tumble and threw her armoured pom pom at the remaining standing drunk, who seeing the projectile heading for his face accepted his fate willingly, as it smacked him square in the chops. Val stood and applauded unsure if the athleticism or the song had impressed her the most.

“Nice work love. What’s your name?”

“She-ra-ra. I lead, I do good deeds, I make the enemy blead and afterwards I rustle up some mead” she curtseyed.

Val beamed “you are definitely in! This calls for a celebratory drink when that useless bloody Herald shows back up. Honestly he had one job”

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Val left the tavern with her heavy adventure bags under her arm and a couple of ‘borrowed’ adventure flagons of ale in her hand. She rounded the corner to find the Herald holding the reins of his horse and her enormous steed; Power and no one else there.

Val looked bemused “what happened to the new supergroup?”

The Herald looked at the ground and cleared his throat a couple of times “Well I mentioned we were going after a powerful necromancer and that seemed to change the atmosphere somewhat. The half invisible man said he had to disappear, though I could still see half of him. Beastmaster said he’d forgotten he’d promised to take Beastmrs out for a romantic meal and that he’d catch up with us. She-ra-ra said she has an allergy to skeletons and needed to get some antihistamines for them. I say she said this, it was more in song format really, I was kind of impressed she found a rhyme for antihistamines. Finally, Stagman growled something and all I caught was something about shining a stag signal in the sky. So, I guess we’re back to square one, whatever that means”.

Val put her hands on her hips and then let out a hearty laugh “not a problem Herr love. I’ll just have to put the original gang back together!”

“Didn’t you say it ended in bitter recriminations with you all vowing you’d rather die at the claws of a Pain Beast of the Ouch realm rather than see each other again?”

Val put her bags on Power “what that? Oh, that was nothing, we didn’t mean any of that.”

She finally attached a large jar with a fairy like creature inside it to her horse. The Herald’s eyebrow shot up “what on middle aged earth is that?”

“Theme music love” Val stated as if this answered the Herald’s question. The Herald shook his head, the day had been long enough and he wasn’t going to get any further into this.

She mounted her horse with an easy grace “Let’s go see that dwarf Bumli first, he’ll be a miserable sod as per usual, but he loves an adventure. And gold. And an adventure that pays in gold!” Val made to start off.

“Wait a moment” the Herald caught her “Bumli? That’s his name? Bumli? Seriously?”

Val didn’t seem to understand the Herald’s angle “Bumli is a very noble name in Dwarven tongue, it means rulers of those that dwell at the bottom, he’s very proud of it”.

The Herald shook his head “Whoever gave him that name is moronic. Whats his surname pray tell? Fartypants?”

Val still seemed bemused by the Herald’s line of questions “don’t be ridiculous Herr love” she chided “Its Air Quaker, one of the great Dwarven lineages that”.

The Herald buried his fist into his face and mutter “moronic” again. Val didn’t hear this as she had kicked Power on. “I didn’t sign up as a counsellor” the Herald muttered as he mounted his ride and started on after Val “Mind you not sure what I did sign up to”.